Christian Coaching - Resolving Conflict in a Nutshell

Conflict happens. It starts with the problem ofwhen you are not in situation.
pulling the covers off and stepping out of bed. SoLearn what sparks you and why you are
far so good. You walk the dog, send the kids offtriggered. Get down to the source. A coach is an
to school, settle into work, then somethingexcellent resource to walk you through the
happens. (You knew it would, right?)process. Denying your intentions is like building a
Challenges can come from anywhere. A missedhouse without a foundation. Educate yourself
appointment causes a person to miss a deadline.other ways to handle it. Once you are casual
A employee (maybe even you!) promises moreinteractions. You probably would not take
than your company could deliver. A customerIntroduction to Astrophysics and then offer your
finds a defect in one of your widgets that needsservices as an expert. By using your new skills
redesigning right away.often when the critical situation develops, you will
We all know that setbacks are going to occur inbe better able to stay balanced and easily resolve
business. Setbacks that strain relations betweenthe problem.
you and your friends. Setbacks that can causeIn the beginning of the foray, step back. Get in
anger and mistrust to accumulate. Will this meantouch with your feelings, body language and tone
the end of a once great relationship?of voice. A angry face, perspiring, usually takes
Not necessarily, when strains rise between youfor your physiological flooding to subside.
and a prospect, it may be time for a toughBeware of venting as a regular strategy. While it
conversation. It is time to get authentic andis a common position that venting makes people
address the difficulty that is causing trouble. Butfeel better and aids getting the emotional noise
how do you keep a tough conversation fromout of the way, research suggests that if you
becoming a full-scale feud that forever damagesuse this practice over and over, the opposite
relations with your client?effect occurs. While it may feel good in the
Here are 4 ideas to get you through the difficultmoment, venting anger as your regular method
conversations that can make or break yourmay make you more angry and push your body
business. Interpersonal obstacles or your hotand brain into a more intense state of anxiety or
buttons as they are called, are the emotionalrage.
responses set off by the words or actions ofGod's Word tells us in Proverbs 26:4,5 says, the
others during ugly encounters. You feel walled infool must be answered but not in a foolish
during conflict when you think the other person'smanner. Studies show that anger is a problem for
comments or actions as threatening to yourevery Christian. Sinful anger constitutes roughly 90
identity in some way. Common obstacles includepercent of all counseling issues . While it is not
real or perceived confrontations to yourwrong to act in anger since the design of the
character, virtue, privilege, and sense of belonging.emotion is to motivate. It is wrong if it is
Your hot buttons can trip you up in argumentincorrectly. It must be used glorify God. After all,
because they cause you to misrepresent, switchanger is a compelling stimulus that God built into
off, criticize, or beat yourself up. They also triggerman with the intent of moving him to Biblical
a set of emotional responses that may contributeaction. Rage and anger are two separate
to intensification.emotions. Anger is appropriate in communication
When you are set off, your brain may endureof feelings in response to someones behavior.
what is said to be a neural hijacking. The brainJesus got angry. Mark tells us that Jesus
concludes a threat, proclaims an emergency andaddressed the Pharisees in anger (3:5). John writes
moves into action. This taking over occurs so fastto us of Jesus driving out the moneychangers
that the conscious, thinking portion of the brainfrom the house of God (2:17). God, Himself is
does not yet fully understand what is happening.angry with the wicked everyday (Psalm 7:11).
So, you are going ahead blindly. While saying heTo presuppose anger as wrong without
rubs me the wrong way suggests it is the otherqualification constitutes a careless and irresponsible
persons duty to stop doing it, only you can handleuse of God's word. Our emotional mix is from
your own sparks. Everyone's bait is a littleGod. All of our emotions when used properly are
different, so what triggers me may not sparkblessed. Emotions become harmful when we fail
you. This is why blaming others for trapping youto evoke them in harmony with Biblical limitations
is not very positive. You waste energy expectingand structures. Scripture also teaches us to be
them to change how they respond, when onlyangry AND sin not! proper anger can become
you can change your own responses.wrong anger in two ways. By the ventilation of
How do you avoid a trap instead of point fingers?anger and by the internalizing anger. That is by
Here are some effective approaches forblowing up and clamming up. The Biblical way to
acknowledging, noticing, and monitoring conflicthandle anger is to focus it on the issue not
prompts. Start with examining your motives.toward the person. Deal with it as soon as
Keeping your balance during conflict is in a largepossible, and rebuild the relationship. Putting the
part dependent upon the examining effort you doother before yourself.